Die in Battle, Do Us Proud

Session 7: Prisoners of the Elfqueen

Junior, Expertise, and Marley headed into the Shriekwood toward the Oakleaf Tower. When their second day of travel brought them close to the Mansion of the Silver-Faced Wizard, Junior suggested that they take a look inside; it was possible, he hypothesized, that Analen Crookedwing didn’t have the Oakleaf Crown after all, and if they could recover it themselves, it might help them in their goal of swaying the Shriekwood Elves. The party agreed to investigate the ruined mansion once again.

An incomplete map impeded their progress, and they were unable to find the room they believed held the crown. Their exploration brought them into contact with several decomposing corpses, a puddle of green slime, a pack of enormous rodents with milky eyes, and a flock of flying…something. Eventually, they abandoned their plan and proceeded on to the Oakleaf Tower.

A pair of soldiers guarded the tower. Marley, the only speaker of Elven in the party, convinced the guards to grant them an audience with Queen Analen with the proviso that they would leave their weapons behind. And so they were escorted to the throne room. (On their way in the tower’s front doors, all three noticed strange runes carved on the inside of the doorframe, though none could decipher their significance.) There, they met Analen Crookedwing, Chief of the Crookedwing Clan and Queen of the Shriekwood Elves, for the first time.

Marley told her of the orc horde they believed to be approaching. For proof, Expertise emptied her sack of orc faces. The party insisted that they were not representatives of Kaladon, but suggested that they could act as intermediaries in the brokering of some kind of truce or treaty between the elves and the city-state to mount a united defense against the orcs. Queen Analen sneered at the offer and insisted that the Shriekwood needed no assistance from the “defilers of Kaladon.” She accused the party of being spies and triggered a trap door, dropping them into a pit. She stood over them and began to work a spell. Marley gave an impassioned, indignant speech about the treatment of dwarves in Kaladon, but she was unimpressed. Her spell fired, and unconsciousness claimed all three.

They awoke some time later in dungeon cells, stripped of all their gear. There was a fourth captive with them, a goblin who identified himself as The Bonechewer. He told them (rather happily) that he was a spy working for the Priests of the Blood-Thousand, and that soon the orc horde would come, slaughtering the elves and setting him free. When they pointed out to him that it could take a long time for them to get there, he agreed to assist in their plan for escape.

Marley fashioned a grappling hook with shreds of their clothing and the hook from his shit-bucket, and used it to snare the cell key hanging on the wall outside his cell. The four jailbreakers did some preliminary exploration and found that soldiers blocked their way. They returned to their cells, taking care that they remained unlocked, and then called for a guard. When he came, The Bonechewer sprang out and ripped out his throat, but received a fatal sword wound in the process. The three survivors looted the guard’s body, and then crept along until they came to a guard room. They sprang in and immediately killed one of the two elves inside. The second one booked for the exit. Expertise tried to block his way, but he ran her through. Marley and Junior followed him out into the daylight and found themselves outside Oakleaf Tower.

Rather than follow the fleeing guard as he ran to the tower’s front entrance, they headed for the treeline and vanished into the Shriekwood.


This session was grand. Sad to see Expertise fall at the very end.

The realm is in dire shape, gang.


Glad you had fun. My favorite moment occurred when you guys entered the throne room.

EXPERTISE (whispering to her buddies): Remember, guys, we need to be REALLY SUPER NICE to the queen.
ELF GUARD: Kneel before the Queen.
EXPERTISE: I don’t want to do that.

It’s popped into my head several times over the past few days and cracked me up every single time.


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